Conversations on grief  

Grief is something which will affect us all at some point in our lives, but everyone experiences it differently and will cope with it in their own unique way. What works for one person won’t necessarily be right for another – and that’s ok.

While there are no defined ‘stages’ of grief, there are some common emotions and reactions linked to loss. Physical effects can include weight change, poor sleep, resulting in tiredness and aches and pains from stress-related tension. Behavioural effects can include withdrawing from social activities/not leaving the house, forgetfulness, poor concentration, excessive worrying about loved ones. Emotional effects can include sadness, loneliness, anger, guilt or feeling numb.

No one’s experience of grief will follow the same path and, for some, this will be meandering while for others, it might be more linear. Whether grief ebbs and flows in your life in varying periods of intensity or peaks at a certain point, there’s no ‘right way’ to experience grief and all responses are valid. Learning to live with grief, in whatever form it takes, is a challenge, but there are ways in which you can support yourself and others.

While a nothing can make grief ‘go away’, there are things you can do that help you while navigating grief:

• Self-care e.g. drinking enough water, showering and getting dresses, going outside

• Speaking to someone, whether a therapist/counsellor or friend/family member

• Looking after your physical as well as mental health e.g. getting enough sleep, moving (simply getting outside to go for a walk), eating well

• Writing down how you feel – putting things onto paper can help you tell your own story and has been proven to reduce stress

Sometimes it’s hard to know how to support someone who is experiencing grief. There are small things you can do that could make a big difference:

• Listen more, speak less.

• Help with daily tasks e.g. cook a meal for them or do the shopping.

• Encourage them to seek professional support if needed – and offer to drive them to their first therapy session.
• Give them time and understand that there is no instant ‘cure’ for grief or a ‘one size fits all’ approach to handling it.

If you or someone you know is grieving and you would like to explore professional support, you can reach out to:

• Cruse Bereavement Care: https://www.cruse.org.uk/

• Bereaved NI (NI Bereavement Network): https://bereaved.hscni.net/

• Blue Cross Pet Loss support: 0800 096 6606 / https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss /

And if you require urgent help, you can contact Lifeline (Northern Ireland’s crisis response helpline): 0808 808 8000 / https://www.lifelinehelpline.info /