Kerri is in her forties and suffered anorexia as a teenager…

As a person with anorexia I did not realise it had taken control until after about four months. Being very athletic both in school and at my athletic club the weight came off me very fast. It took someone from my childhood who I used to play with to tell me honestly – and he was in shock! He asked ‘what on earth’ had I done to myself.

After this I looked in the mirror and saw for the first time a skeletal face staring back. Don’t get me wrong, family, friends, even teachers tried to make me see but I thought it was not serious until this point. I think I was age 14 or 15 and doing my GCSEs.

As for triggers, with me it was an accumulation of my parents’ threatening divorce; they didn’t realise I could hear in the next room all the hurtful things that were said. I stopped eating at first because I was so upset, not because I intentionally wanted to harm myself. Then it turned into something I could control – with my parents’ arguing I couldn’t stop or control it.

After my childhood friend made me realise the shocking truth, I knew then I needed help. I asked my mum to make me an appointment with my GP who referred me to Dundonald hospital. I still remember having to get into a gown in a cubicle with my mum present; she cried because I had hidden a lot by wearing loose clothes. The doctor asked me if I knew what I had: I was able to tell him I knew I had anorexia and needed help.

Looking back, I remember I knew I needed to help myself and as soon as I put on enough pounds I was allowed home. Between this time though, only family was allowed to see me, like I was being punished. I can’t remember any follow-ups at hospital or with my GP the day I arrived home from hospital my beloved uncle died that same day. I was so angry that I was trying to kill myself. My beloved uncle was taken from everyone he loved, certainly not through choice, and I felt so selfish. I promised myself I would get better for him – otherwise I think I could have slipped through the net and continued getting worse.

I think better follow-up is definitely needed, as well as more specialist care in Northern Ireland. Maybe there is more help these days – I don’t know. Back then, I only saw a dietitian.

I also think a cardboard cut-out of a normal person, as in healthy body weight for their height, should be set beside a cardboard cut-out of an anorexic person: the same height and weight, because with this illness you see everyone else skinnier than yourself, even though people are telling you you have lost weight. It’s a trick of the mind – you never see how skinny you truly are.

It took me about two years to get better, but I also developed bulimia; I was fighting with my mind constantly. Also, it’s hard to deal with eating more, because once you start to eat normally you plump up! And since your body’s metabolism has drastically slowed down, it’s an uphill struggle for a long time to balance your weight and feel healthy. It would have helped to be aware of this!

At my worst, it definitely caused depression. I didn’t want to socialise I turned into a recluse and secretly I wished I would die in a car accident with no one else getting hurt.

As for getting better, I truly believe I aided my own recovery, through realizing I had anorexia and fighting to get better because of my promise to my uncle. If you don’t want to get better, well that could be an impossible fight because it is not easy and it is lonely. In my case I had no one to talk to about my constant battle. I definitely believe people need to see someone who understands the illness as soon as possible – the more it gets a grip of your mind the harder it is to overcome.

As a society we need to encourage our young men and women to love themselves from within and to be confident enough to talk things through.

As much as I love my parents, I just couldn’t talk openly to them; they were very private, and it’s important to have someone close you can talk too.

I am now turning 33 and suffering with a binge eating disorder.

Strangely I started having body image problems when I was 19.  I think it was triggered by poor self-esteem from a bit of trauma in my life.  This is where my self-worth really started to dip.  I had body dysmorphia for a long time before it developed into a Binge Eating Disorder.  My Binge Eating Disorder happened when I started training in Martial Arts.  I found myself putting a lot of pressure on myself to be a certain weight to fight and I always thought I should be a certain weight to compete.  This started with extreme low carb dieting where I ended up underweight and very unhealthy although at the time I thought I was great and healthy.  This was just the beginning.  I kept trying to keep a certain weight and focused heavily on foods but this was to take a turn for the worse when I broke my arm in a Jujitsu Competition and because I couldn’t train anymore for a long time as it was a serious break, I started to go into a binge eating cycle.  You see, Martial arts helped me out of depression for a while and then after I broke my arm I lost all of that.  I was bingeing for a long time and noticed that I was putting on weight which was upsetting me and then I went to eating more for comfort.  It was like my crutch for dealing with things.

This happened for years and I ended up double my actual size.  I went from a size 10 to a size 22.  This was very hard to deal with.  My self-esteem was destroyed.  At the time I was also on an anti-psychotic medication which didn’t help the weight gain.  It has a huge part of it too, which I am glad I’m now off.  I knew I had a problem when I found myself feeling really guilty eating a piece of bread or a sandwich.  I had this strange thing against bread!  It wasn’t just a normal feeling bad for eating something, I got the point where I had self-harmed on my stomach a lot as I was very distressed after eating junk or binge eating on foods.  The disgust I felt was nothing like I have ever felt before.

I didn’t really seek  help from family as I didn’t feel they would understand and at times I didn’t think I had an eating disorder.  I confided in my sister and I think she knew I had a disorder before I did.  She has been so helpful and really let me learn that no matter what way I am, I may be big but I am beautiful!  That’s always stuck with me.  Regardless of your shape or size that doesn’t change who you are.  But that isn’t always easy to try and get into your head especially when you have a disorder.  My husband has been my rock and I wouldn’t be here without him.  He always encourages me to love myself and know that I am ok the way I am.  If I want to get healthy then get healthy!  Just remember that you need a healthy mind as well as a healthy body.  I think that even people who know me and know I have a disorder still don’t understand but I guess that’s not their fault and we need to have more understanding about.  The many times I’ve heard people say to me “why don’t you try slimming world”….  The thing is you can’t hide from food, that’s what people don’t understand.  We need it to fuel our bodies!  Food is everywhere and it’s hard not to think about it 24/7.

I went to my G.P about this several times but there wasn’t much we could do except send me to a dietitian but at this point it was an unhealthy relationship with food and not a diagnosed eating disorder.  I was part of psychiatric care and I told them about my issues with food, but because I didn’t vomit or take laxatives there was no help at all for me.  I find this disgraceful but I guess there are only so many services they can offer.  This is when I went to Action Mental Health and they helped me and recommended Life Therapies in Belfast.  I saw them privately for a year.  I was expensive but it was worth it.  I learnt a lot and I really developed as a person.  My advice, is if you can afford it, go to see a specialist in eating disorders as you will learn a lot.  If you can’t then look at charity’s and get some support.  You cannot do this alone!

I am still battling an eating disorder which is tough.  I had been doing really well in the mind-set for a good 8 months but now I have had physical illness happen and it’s kind of triggered my disorder again.  In this space of time I lost 5 stone but I have gained it all again and this is the nature of someone with disordered eating.

I think the best advice I could give anyone is to learn to love yourself and don’t judge yourself on how you think you may look, or by what others may say.  People are too quick to judge someone on how they look.  Learn to connect your thoughts and feelings and learn why you do certain things, learn to eat when you are hungry and really think about what you’re eating and how nourishing it is for your body.  Food is Medicine! Do not Diet!  Do not restrict yourself!  Once you learn to do this you can then learn a healthier way to eat but also by enjoying food.

One thing I would love people to do is think before they speak or think how it may affect that person.  You just don’t know what people are going through in their heads or what they are battling.  Why should anyone comment on how someone looks?  This applies to thin people too.  I know a lot of people who hate being told they are too skinny, so it’s all one side of the same coin, so to speak.  Another thing is to stop body shaming!

Speak to someone you trust, and if you find that too hard then speak to a charity organisation like Action Mental Health as they will totally understand you and sometimes speaking to someone you don’t know is easier.  We can all develop eating disorders regardless of age and gender.

Charli, who is now in her twenties, suffered from bulimia as a teenager. Here is her story.

I never really realised there was a problem until my family got involved. Eating disorders are incredibly selfish and you tend to be so wrapped up in what you’re doing that you don’t realise what you’re doing to yourself and the people who love you.

Mine began as a result of two different things: firstly, I have a hormone imbalance and when puberty kicked in I put a lot of weight on and was bullied mercilessly for it, and secondly, it was an element of control in my life when I felt overwhelmed.

My bulimia started slowly. At first it was just making myself sick after meals, then it was purging, and by the end I would chew food but spit it out before I swallowed it. That’s how I was caught out. My brother went to the bathroom after I’d used it and I hadn’t flushed the chain properly.

He and my mum knew there was something wrong but because I’m naturally quite a big girl, broad in my proportions, I never got really skinny or ‘looked anorexic.’ That was something in and of itself that fed my disorder. I have body dysmorphia and really struggled to understand my body and how I looked. It’s also very common for people to have eating disorders and never be diagnosed or receive treatment.

I know lots of girls who have eating disorders. But in our society, if you’re not rake skinny you’re not taken seriously and it’s hard to get the help that you need. I was very ill and was starving myself to the point I’d pass out and my periods had stopped, but I mostly got compliments from people about how ‘healthy’ I looked.

I never got to a GP. The reason I got help was because my mum and brother sat me down and talked to me about what was going on and I realised how my behaviour had affected them. My mother also suffered from bulimia (hers was a control-centred disorder when she was in her early twenties) and when she told me she was horrified that she had somehow pushed me to it. My mum’s my hero and when I realised how hurt and scared she was I immediately agreed to get help. She found a youth counselling service and paid for me to have weekly sessions to help deal with my problems.

As a single parent with little money and very little help from my father, I understood completely the sacrifices she made to send me to those sessions and so I took them seriously and wanted to get better for her.

Once you have an eating disorder it never goes away. You live with it for your whole life, even if you never go down that path again physically. I still struggle with it every day, especially because my hormone imbalance makes weight management difficult. In times of extreme stress it hits me incredibly hard. When I sat my final undergraduate exams I slipped up and fell off the wagon, as it were. But my boyfriend helped me through it and luckily he helps me through it every day.

Recovery is all about surrounding yourself with the right people. At school my friends almost loved the fact that I had an eating disorder. For them it was a cool source of teen drama and they almost encouraged my behaviour. I surround myself with only a few people who understand my past and know my triggers. My best friend, Connor and my mum tend to know I’m struggling before I realise it myself. They tell me when I’m becoming obsessive and help me to work my way out of the mindset that drags you back to it.

Anyone who worries that they might be developing an eating disorder should confide in someone that they trust straight away. There’s a lot of good help out there that’s available now that wasn’t when I went through it. Giving the control to someone else helps. My mum and I sat down and worked out a carefully planned food and fitness plan so I could still feel in control but without the need to purge or hurt myself.

Society needs to understand that eating disorders aren’t only the extreme cases of anorexia that lead to hospital stays or inpatient treatment, but they are also the unhealthy attitude towards food that leads to unhealthy eating patterns.

My cousin had anorexia nervosa which was caused when her family moved home from Italy and she started a new school at age 13. Seeing her go through what I did to the extreme made me understand how bad the choices I’d made were. She was admitted to hospital and was there for 6 weeks. I spent a month of my summer holidays with her in the hospital, helping her to get back to the person she was underneath the disorder.

Hers was never about weight and she’s never had dysmorphia, hers was all about control and because of that it was a slow recovery but one that’s not troubled her as much since. She still lives with it of course, and in times of extreme stress she panics, but she’s doing really well.

Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2018 takes place from 26 February to 4 March.

Eating Disorders Awareness Week is an international awareness event, fighting the myths and misunderstandings that surround anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and OSFED (other specified feeding or eating disorder).

This week AMH will be reporting on the experiences of local people who are affected by Eating Disorders.

1. Charli’s Story 
2. Claire’s Story
3. Kerri’s Story
4. Dave’s Story
5. Debbie’s Story
6. Debbie’s Mum’s Story
7. Ellen’s Story
8. Doris’ Story

Firstly by way of introduction, we’ll just clarify what is meant by an Eating Disorder, dispel a few myths and look at the statistics available so we can have a picture of just how wide spread Eating Disorders are and the effect they are having in our local community.

Please get in touch if you want to share your experience – [email protected] and follow us on Twitter and Facebook @amhNI.

What is an Eating Disorder

The most common eating disorders are:

• anorexia nervosa – when you try to keep your weight as low as possible by not eating enough food, exercising too much, or both
• bulimia – when you sometimes lose control and eat a lot of food in a very short amount of time (binging) and are then deliberately sick, use laxatives (medication to help you poo), restrict what you eat, or do too much exercise to try to stop yourself gaining weight
• binge eating disorder (BED) – when you regularly lose control of your eating, eat large portions of food all at once until you feel uncomfortably full, and are then often upset or guilty
• other specified feeding or eating disorder (OSFED) – when your symptoms don’t exactly match those of anorexia, bulimia or binge eating disorder, but it doesn’t mean it’s a less serious illness

OSFED is the most common, then binge eating disorder and bulimia. Anorexia is the least common.

What causes eating disorders?

We don’t know exactly what causes eating disorders.

You may be more likely to get an eating disorder if:

• you or a member of your family has a history of eating disorders, depression, or alcohol or drug addiction
• you have been criticised for your eating habits, body shape or weight
• you’re overly concerned with being slim, particularly if you also feel pressure from society or your job – for example, ballet dancers, jockeys, models or athletes
• you have anxiety, low self-esteem, an obsessive personality, or are a perfectionist
• you have been sexually abused

Dispelling the Myths

• Eating Disorders are not primarily about food and weight
• People can and DO recover
• Eating Disorders can affect anyone of any age, gender or background

Although an Eating Disorder is a complex mental health condition, in its simplest, it is about using food as an emotional tool. For the person with an eating disorder, controlling food and the body is their way of relieving distress or managing their emotions and achieving some degree of control over their life. Their eating disorder provides them with a sense of safety.

Eating disorders in particular are highly stigmatised, with people commonly dismissing the condition as a ‘diet fad’, a ploy for attention, or simply as ‘normal’ behaviour.

Men and women of any age can get an eating disorder, but they most commonly affect young women aged 13 to 17 years old – but even as young as eight.

Eating disorders don’t happen overnight. They typically progress slowly, and are often triggered by something seemingly innocent, such as the desire for a child to lose a few pounds, or encouragement to over-train for a sport.

Eating disorders include extreme emotions, attitudes, and behaviors surrounding weight and food issues. They may be coupled with high levels of anxiety, or with specific anxiety disorders like OCD.

The Stats

Each year in Northern Ireland, some 50-120 people develop anorexia nervosa and around 170 people develop bulimia nervosa. There are around 100 admissions to acute hospitals for eating disorders annually. This excludes patients requiring inpatient treatment outside Northern Ireland. Between July 2012 and September 2015, the HSC Board advised that 52 referrals were
made for ECRs to other hospitals or clinics in Great Britain or the Republic of Ireland. Two of these were young people under the age of 18. – The Regulation and Quality Improvement Authority
Assurance, Challenge and Improvement in Health and Social Care, Review of Eating Disorder Services in Northern Ireland, December 2015.

While over 700,000 women and men in the UK have a diagnosed eating disorder at any one time, research suggests that this number vastly underestimates the true size of the problem in the UK with estimates suggesting that up to 80% of individuals who screen positively for having an eating disorder have never accessed help or support.

A powerful lobby of mental health practitioners and charities lead by AMH’s Chief Executive David Babington, travelled to Westminster to meet MPs and Peers this week to shine the spotlight on the issue of a severe lack of funding and policy development within Northern Ireland’s mental health services.

Members of Together for You, a group of Northern Ireland’s leading mental health charities, the Mental Health Foundation and the Royal College of Psychiatrists met in London seeking action on the worsening mental health crisis in Northern Ireland.

Following the reception Action Mental Health’s Chief Executive David Babington said:

“We were delighted that the DUP’s Sir Jeffery Donaldson pledged to raise the issue of mental health with the Prime Minister Theresa May and thereafter the Secretary of State for Northern Ireland, Karen Bradley.

“We were disappointed that despite the hundreds of invitations issued to MPs no Conservative or Labour MP attended the meeting, however we will be taking up the offer of presenting to the Northern Ireland Affairs Select Committee as soon as possible.”

Mr Babington paid tribute to Sir Jeffery Donaldson for hosting the event and also singled out Sinn Fein’s Michelle Gildernew for addressing the group on the urgent need for better mental health services for Northern Ireland’s young people.  There was also a cross party commitment from MPs at Westminster to reconvene to move issues along.

Northern Ireland Mental health charities, Mental Health Foundation and Royal College of Psychiatrists highlight that more people have died from suicide since the Belfast Agreement than were killed during the Troubles

Together for You, a group of Northern Ireland’s mental health charities, lead by Action Mental Health, the Mental Health Foundation and the Royal College of Psychiatrists are to meet Westminster MPs and peers seeking action on the worsening mental health crisis in Northern Ireland. The meetings, which take place today – 20th February at Westminster, come just days after talks to restore the Power Sharing Stormont Executive spectacularly collapsed.

Recently the shock statistic was revealed that more people have died through suicide since the Belfast Agreement was signed than died in the entirety of the Troubles. More than 4,400 suicides were registered in Northern Ireland in the 19 years between 1998 and 2016, whilst during the Troubles, between 1969 and 1997, it is estimated that 3,600 people died.

The delegation, which is led by Action Mental Health and the Mental Health Foundation, say the worsening crisis is being exacerbated by Northern Ireland’s ongoing political dysfunction. Following this week’s collapse of talks to restore the Stormont Executive after 13 months of no functioning government in Northern Ireland, the advocates will demand that Westminster acts quickly to deliver the agreed mental health priorities. A range of initiatives already have cross party support including a regional trauma service to address the mental health legacy of the conflict.

The delegation, led by David Babington, Chief Executive of Action Mental Health and Dr Iris Elliott, Head of Policy and Research of the Mental Health Foundation, will highlight the dire state of Northern Ireland mental health service provision and the urgent need for clear policy and increased funding. David Babington of Action Mental Health said the group had come to London to say Westminster needs to sit up and take notice;

 “The rest of the UK needs to understand that while we in Northern Ireland have endured over a year with no functioning government, our health service is being starved of funding and decision making, and we are seeing a deeply worrying rate of suicide. It’s hard to believe that more people have now died through suicide than were killed in the Troubles, but the statistic is very real and so is the suffering taking place here. This cannot be allowed to continue. Where is the duty of care to the people of Northern Ireland? Moreover, where is the £50 Million in extra funding for mental health which was promised nearly a year ago? Is anyone in charge?

 He added,

 “We have been calling for the appointment of a Mental Health Champion to work across government in Northern Ireland to tackle the mental health crisis for years. This appointment is more pertinent now than ever in the face of ongoing political deadlock. Northern Ireland has a 25% higher overall prevalence of mental illness than England – 1 in 5 adults here has a mental health condition at any one time. People are dying and this is simply unacceptable”

 The Together for You Group and the Mental Health Foundation are attending a reception in Parliament hosted by Sir Jeffrey Donaldson on Mental Health in Northern Ireland: in the absence of a local Assembly, what now for mental health policy and funding?

Dr Iris Elliott of the Mental Health Foundation added,

“We cannot achieve a peaceful society in Northern Ireland without peaceful minds. If we invest in mental health support and work together to prevent mental health problems, then mental health will be an asset for our society.

The failure to deliver for mental health over the last 13 months, and indeed over the last 20 years since the Peace Settlement, is unacceptable. Mental Health Foundation is standing alongside Northern Ireland mental health charities and professional bodies to call for immediate Government action.

During the last 13 months we have lost so many opportunities to support people experiencing mental health problems and prevent their occurrence. Therefore, commitments secured need to be robustly monitored by politicians at Westminster. Whatever form of Government we have in Northern Ireland, mental health must be its top priority.”

The chair of the Northern Ireland Royal College of Psychiatrists, Gerry Lynch agreed,

“It is imperative that mental health policy and service development doesn’t stagnate in the absence of a devolved administration. Given the underfunding of mental health care in Northern Ireland, new policies and reforms must be driven forward as a matter of urgency”.

A reception will take place at 3pm on Tuesday 20th of February in Committee Room 19. Sir Jeffrey Donaldson, MP for Lagan Valley, will host and chair the event.

Speakers include:-

• David Babington – Chief Executive of Action Mental Health
• Dr Iris Elliott – Head of Policy and Research, Mental Health Foundation
• Dr Gerry Lynch – Chair of the Royal College of Psychiatrists in Northern Ireland

During the reception, we will bring together parliamentarians, practitioners, policy makers and academics interested in mental health in Northern Ireland to develop an agenda for action on mental health.

• Northern Ireland has a 25% higher overall prevalence of mental illness than England – 1 in 5 adults here have a mental condition at any one time.
• Inequality gaps for mental health indicators narrowed over the last five years. Despite this narrowing, the gaps for self-harm admissions and suicide remained large with the self-harm admission rate in the most deprived areas four times, and the crude suicide rate almost treble, that seen in the least deprived areas. The rate for mood and anxiety prescriptions was 69% higher in the most deprived areas than in the least deprived.
• More than 20% of young people are experiencing “significant mental health problems” by their 18th birthday. 17% of men and 32% of women aged 35-44 show signs of depression
• The rates of depression in Northern Ireland are associated closely with unemployment, low educational achievement and social deprivation
• A quarter of suicide inquiries in the UK showed that the individual died within three months of discharge from in-patient care. In England and Wales, 40% died before the first review appointment. This was 35% in Scotland and 66% in Northern Ireland

Briefing – Mental Health Crisis in Northern Ireland

The ethos of Action Mental Health and its focus on helping people to recover from mental ill-health was what attracted the charity’s inaugural runner to sign up for this year’s Belfast City Marathon.

Craig Downey was the first person to pledge all the money he raises by tackling the gruelling 26.2 mile run, through the city this spring, to Action Mental Health.

The 31-year-old electrical engineer, who is originally from Derry/Londonderry but who now lives in Antrim, will be donning the AMH purple with pride on the bank holiday run which this year takes place on Monday, May 7.

It will be Craig’s second marathon, having already run the Lough Ness Marathon in Scotland. Over the years Craig has fundraised for numerous charities but this year opted to run the marathon for Action Mental Health, due in part to the greater spotlight currently being shone on the issue.

But Craig, who adds weight training and CrossFit to his list of physical hobbies, also has a more personal reason for choosing a mental health charity.

“I’ve got a few family members who suffer from anxiety and I’ve suffered from anxiety myself. I’d have weeks and months that would go by, fine, and then something would trigger it and it snowballs.

“I want to promote the fact that some men especially, who suffer from this type of thing, are afraid of speaking out to tell anyone else about it, or of showing any weakness, physical, mental or emotional.

“My girlfriend is also a mental health nurse and it’s just the fact that this can affect all walks of life, whether you’re rich or poor or whatever, it doesn’t discriminate, same as cancer.

“I want to promote the thought that if you are struggling, you have to take that first step and talk to someone about it,” he added.

After deciding upon a mental health charity, he explains why he chose Action Mental Health.

“The ethos of Action Mental Health is practically word for word the same as my blurb on my Just Giving page and it’s the focus placed on the recovery of people suffering from mental health problems that appealed to me.”

Craig has already drawn up his marathon training schedule and will soon be doing forty miles per week, at the least, to get into his best shape for the spring event.

“I don’t believe in putting your body through something like this without doing it all for charity,” he says, and hopes to beat his last marathon time of 3.5 hours whilst raising at least £1000 in sponsorship.

Action Mental Health’s Events Officer Callum Clark is delighted to welcome Craig into the growing stable of fundraisers who raise much needed funds to help the charity provide services for people of all ages living with a range of mental health issues as well as promoting positive mental health to children and young people across Northern Ireland.

“Having people like Craig don the purple jersey for Action Mental Health means so much to us.

“As a local charity we rely heavily on people’s generous fundraising efforts to help provide our services and we certainly hope many more people follow Craig’s lead and nominate Action Mental Health as their beneficiary for the Belfast City Marathon 2018.”

If you have been inspired by Craig’s story, why not sign up for the Belfast City Marathon to run, walk or relay on behalf of Action Mental Health.

Sign up at http://www.belfastcitymarathon.com/ and get in touch with our fundraising team on [email protected]

The AMH Team are on the look out for enthusiastic Volunteers to help with all things fundraising from charity collections, to bag packs, to helping out at numerous events throughout Northern Ireland.

If you have some free time to help #TakeActionOnMentalHealth we would love to hear from you.

For more information please contact [email protected] , we look forward to hearing from you!