Then here’s your chance to say thank you!

 As we look ahead to Mother’s Day this Sunday, it’s a great opportunity for Mums of all ages to get off the relentless conveyor belt of motherhood and put themselves first.

Taking time out and having even five minutes of ‘me time’ – can be really good for your mental health.

A Mum will always be her kids’ most ardent supporter, confidante and friend.

So this year why not nominate your Mum to receive a special Mother’s Day treat – a £50 voucher from our partner, Victoria Square, Belfast.

The nominee doesn’t even have to be your own Mum, but can be someone who is the next best thing, whether related or not.

Simply follow us on Facebook tell us why your ‘Mum’ deserves this special prize. Just like and comment on the Facebook post and we’ll select a worthy winner by 5pm on Monday 12^th March 2018.

T&Cs apply. NB This is not promotion is not connected or associated with Facebook. Only comments on this facebook post will be entered into the draw.

Doris’s daughter Ashleigh developed an eating disorder around her 13^th birthday. Here is her story…

It was on Ashleigh’s 13^th birthday party that I realised something was up. There was pizza and party food, but she wouldn’t touch it. A short time later it was Easter and she refused to eat any chocolate eggs, which was really unusual, because, like me and all the women in our family we love chocolate. At the time though I didn’t actually think she had an eating disorder, but that she was just eating sensibly, because she really loves her food. But then I began to notice that she was becoming really strict with herself in what she ate – she was denying herself food she loved and said she was unhappy about the way she looked.

About a month later she still wasn’t eating chocolate or anything and I began to think she was being far too rigid so I took her to the doctor, who is a friend. She said at that stage it wasn’t too bad that she wasn’t eating rubbish but it was certainly not a good idea to be starving herself.

Soon after though, her periods stopped and her hair started to fall out. I could see her becoming withdrawn – she’d lost her sparkle.  She would watch videos online of a new chocolate bar and I’d say I’d go get her one but she would refuse to eat them. Food became an obsession and she was always looking up recipes and interested in what we were eating but still she was hardly eating anything.

I recall it was about June, when I could really notice the downy hair on her jaw, because of her weight loss, that the doctor said we needed to get her to Beechcroft (Eating Disorder Services-part of Forster Green Hospital).

She told me then she just couldn’t eat and that it was like something that wanted to kill you. It was all about control over food and one thing about it was, that while she was obsessed with food, she also became obsessed with school work and became a straight A student. She started to keep her bedroom immaculate and even stopped chewing her nails and grew them long. But at the same time she had lost the zest for life and she was really unhappy. It was heart-breaking.

When we went on holiday a month later her spine was jutting out she was so thin. The hotel we were staying at had a buffet and I thought this might be better for her but she became so distressed at meal times I found her one day curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor. Can you imagine what it’s like to see your daughter like that? It was a nightmare summer for us and I still get very choked up thinking about it.

She was drinking a lot of water on holiday, to fill her up, but she nearly fainted and I just couldn’t wait to get home because she was due at Beechcroft a few days after we were due home. We had a three hour appointment with a counsellor who talked to her about what was going on in her head. Meanwhile, the nutritionist basically put the fear of God into her and told her she had to eat three meals a day and told her ‘this is where we take back control’. She cried for a full hour after because she knew the battle she was going to be facing.

She started eating then, but only very plain food and couldn’t stand any sauce or anything like that. By Christmas,  all those months later, she only had turkey and vegetables and I was still worried about her.

We kept up with the appointments, and I was, all the while, encouraging her to try new food, but then in February she was due to go away on a school trip and I was a bit worried because she was still not quite over it.

The school was very good though and said that sadly there were a number of girls in the same boat. She went ahead and stayed in a room with a group of girls and had a ball. When I heard that Ashleigh had joined in with them eating rubbish in their room at night I was so overjoyed! Ever since, she’s been on the mend, and that was about a year ago.

One thing that helped her was getting a dog, which we did before Christmas that year, and that really helped her – I had told her I would agree to it if she started eating properly.  She was never diagnosed with anorexia but it was very, very scary there for a while, and our doctor said we’d caught it in time before it got the chance to get worse. And I couldn’t have done it without Beechcroft.

She said that at the time, she just couldn’t help herself, and as a mother I just didn’t know what to do. I remember worrying about whether she’d ever get better, when it was at its worst, and Karen Carpenter, the singer, would come to mind.

She’s still a bit careful now with what she eats but she never wants to go back to that because it was a very dark place. I couldn’t have borne it if it had been any worse than it was.

• Find out more about Beechcroft here http://www.familysupportni.gov.uk/listing/eating-disorder-services-beechcroft-forstergreen-hospital-site-belfast/

Ellen is 19 and is currently in recovery from anorexia. 

This week is NEDA week. This week is all about talking about eating disorders and helping to break the stigma surrounding them. It is believed that approximately 1.6million people suffer from an eating disorder (either diagnosed or undiagnosed). One of the most dangerous eating disorders is anorexia nervosa which I, myself am diagnosed with.

Anorexia has the highest mortality rate, with 1 in 5 sufferers dying. It’s heart-breaking but the number of people being diagnosed with eating disorders is rising each year, with children as young as 7 or 8 being diagnosed. Due to this, I believe it is SO important that we now, more than ever, talk and be open about eating disorders, so that people feel they can reach out for the help they need and most importantly deserve.

Unfortunately, 66% of anorexia sufferers don’t get the help they so desperately need. I, myself, was in denial for so long, I tried to convince myself that I could ‘fix’ it all on my own. But the truth is I couldn’t, and I ended up getting to an extremely critical state.

A lot of people don’t realise just how much an eating disorder can impact your life and change who you are as a person. There is a common misconception that eating disorders are ‘glamourous,’ ‘attention seeking,’ or ‘just a diet’. The reality however is you feel faint from simply standing up, you’re cold 24/7, you’re numb to EVERY emotion and your hair falls out. You think about food 24/7 but you can’t bring yourself to even eat a grape without the guilt consuming you and feeling like you’re not good enough for food.

You lie to your family and friends, you isolate yourself from everyone and everything. You can’t sleep, you can’t focus and simple conversations become mentally straining; concentration becomes impossible. I became so ill I had to temporarily withdraw from university and give up my part-time job, both of which I absolutely adored. Getting weekly bloods and an ECG heart trace became routine for me and sometimes it became so impossible to get the bloods I’d end up in hospital on an IV drip.

Fortunately, I have an incredible family who ensured I got the help I so desperately needed. If it wasn’t for their unconditional love and support I truly don’t think I would be here, writing this today. My mum and dad have been absolutely incredibly throughout all of this – if it wasn’t for them both taking time off work before Christmas, and mum going off work indefinitely, since January, to be with me, and support me day in and day out, I seriously would hate to think just how things could have turned out. However, I know so many aren’t as lucky as I am to have a support system like me, which is why it is so important to reach out for help.

This is extremely hard for me to talk about as I’m still in my recovery, and I’m in no way looking for pity or sympathy BUT if it helps even just one person to find the courage to reach out for help and know that they’re not alone, than I honestly believe it is worth it.

The photo on the left shows me in Disneyland Paris on Christmas Day 2016. I was healthy and happy, and I had the energy to drag my family around the park for 13 hours straight. I could eat what I wanted when I wanted without thinking twice. The photo on the right is me on Christmas Day 2017 – I barely had the energy to walk from my bedroom to the sofa and everything I ate was mental torture. I’m proud to say that while every day is still a huge struggle I have made SO much progress since the photo on the right, I’m not quite yet at a healthy weight. But I’m a lot healthier and most importantly, a lot happier.

Recovery is absolutely terrifying and by far the HARDEST thing I’ve gone through, but I know it’s going to be so worth it to be able to start living my life again.

Aine McCaughey, a student at the University of Ulster, Jordanstown, hosted a health fair to promote Action Mental Health, as part of her studies. Here is her story…

Each year, final year students studying BSc Hons Environmental Health at Ulster University Jordanstown organise and participate in a health promotion event. The aim of this event is to create an awareness of a public or environmental health issue. Students are required to show collaborative working either in a team or individually with an organisation from the public, private or voluntary sector to promote awareness of a public health issue which affects the local community.

Starting college can be difficult for some people, moving away from home, starting to live independently, and with the pressures of assignments and exams, it can all be quite overwhelming and difficult.

I chose to promote the issue of mental health for two reasons. Firstly, I felt mental health is a topic that is very relevant in today’s society, as more than half of undergraduate students will experience and present with signs of a mental illness. Also, one in three state they have had suicidal thoughts.

I wanted to create awareness and show the students of Ulster University Jordanstown that if anyone is struggling to cope with daily pressures, there is help available. I wanted to provide them with information about where they can seek support and advice in confidence, and not suffer in silence.

Secondly, I had more of a personal reason to promote mental health as a close family member was diagnosed with an eating disorder about five years ago. Through seeking help from mental health advisors, this illness is now well under control.

I am very pleased and grateful to have partnered up with Action Mental Health’ Callum Clark (AMH Fundraising Officer) and his team have been brilliant in providing me with leaflets, posters and pop-up stands, and I am very grateful and honoured to have raised awareness of this wonderful charity.

The outcome of having this health fair was to promote awareness of different public health issues and to make people aware of problems that affect society, and that help is always available.

Debbie’s mother Pat McLarnon spent years feeling terrified and helpless as she watched her daughter fight her anorexia. Here is her story…

We found out something was wrong with Debbie when her screams woke us in the middle of the night, when she was 17. We found her on the bathroom floor writhing in agony. She wouldn’t tell us what was wrong but when I checked her school bag I found laxatives. She refused to tell me how many she had taken so when I started to guess one, two, three, she nodded her head at 44.

We didn’t fully understand what was going on but we just knew something was very wrong. From that moment our lives were thrown into turmoil. Her younger brother went into her room that night and hugged her and said “Debbie, please don’t die”.

Her whole personality changed. Our daughter had been very bubbly, outgoing and loving but it was almost like our daughter was a stranger. She became very depressed and sad, argumentative and manipulative and we had literally no idea how to help her.

We went to our GP because we wanted to know how we could fix her, but Debbie had hit her self-destruct button and was basically starving herself to death.

Meal times were a battlefield and we tried everything, from punishment to grounding but if we had known then what we know now we could have helped her so much more. We didn’t realise that we were pushing her into the arms of the eating disorder.

When she did eat she would go to the bathroom and make herself sick because not only was she anorexic she also became bulimic. As she became weaker we, as parents, felt powerless and helpless. Every morning my husband Paul and I woke up with a knot in the pit of our stomachs. We were terrified.

In the meantime, she was able to keep up her rhythmic gymnastics and she even competed at the Commonwealth Games when she was  16. It’s part of the sport that you have to be slim and we did talk to her coaches about it, and they were very good, speaking to all the girls about staying healthy, not isolating her on her own, but still, her struggle with anorexia continued. We never knew what weight she got to because she would never let anyone weigh her.

We have come to learn that the longer the illness lasts, the more entrenched it gets and the more negative the sufferer becomes. It’s a very illogical and irrational illness and it got to the point where Debbie said it would be easier for her not to be here at all. Debbie later told us it was like fighting with yourself all the time, with a voice in her head, 24 hours a day, telling her she was disgusting and worthless.

As far as treatment, there was none here in Northern Ireland so we had to battle the services. We wrote to every MP and MLA and got two compliment slips and one letter back. Debbie had to go to London for help, where she saw a therapist for four years.  However, it came to the point where the counsellor told us to bring her home: she was so weak she was on the brink of heart failure.

In the end Debbie suffered until her early 20s. Now she would say that it wasn’t about the eating, it was an emotional issue. Not eating, for her, was a symptom and when the problem begins to go away the eating will naturally come back.

Years later my son did a fundraising cycle in America when he read a story on Amy Winehouse’s eating disorder, written by her brother and he was so upset we nearly flew out to be with him. It upset him very much and it was then we realised he still had issues to deal with after watching his sister experience anorexia.

It doesn’t just affect the sufferer, it affects the whole family but thankfully Debbie survived but there was a time when we feared the very worst for her.

Debbie Howard, now a psychotherapist specialising in eating disorders, suffered from anorexia for over ten years. Here is her story ….

I developed anorexia at 12 years old, and suffered with it until my early twenties. It was the most difficult and awful time of my life.

Eating disorders have the highest death rate of all the psychiatric illnesses, and affect 1 in 10 people in the UK. Sadly it is still an illness shrouded in shame, and grossly misunderstood.

So many people say that eating disorder sufferers choose to do this to themselves, or put it down to vanity. But these people are clearly ignorant about this devastating illness.

Your mind is taken over by the most punishing and nasty dictator, who continually puts you down, and dictates your every thought, feeling and behaviour. It tells you that you are not good enough at anything you do, and that you don’t deserve anything you have. It makes you hate yourself, despise yourself, and it makes you feel worthless and useless.

Every time you look in the mirror all you can hear is that voice telling you how disgusting and how fat you are.

You spend hours weighing yourself, pulling bits of fat and planning how to get rid of it, always believing the voice that is telling you that if you just lose another few pounds, you will be happy. But of course, you lose those pounds, and the elusive happiness never appears.

At some level you know that what you are doing is wrong, but the voice is so powerful that it always wins.

If you are wondering how no one knew or why no one did anything, it’s because eating disorders are very secretive illnesses. You become a professional at lying and deceiving people, continually coming up with more and more elaborate ways to hide the fact you haven’t eaten. I managed to hide my illness from my parents for many years.

We tried treatment several times, but the support and understanding from health professionals in Northern Ireland was not there. It was only the life-saving care I received in London that helped me to recover.

Unfortunately there has not been much improvement in terms of treatments since I was ill. Services have increased, however our sickest and most vulnerable are still being sent to London for treatment.

We set up fightED to provide carers courses for those who have a loved one with an eating disorder.

Recovery is a long and painful process, and it is vital that sufferers have a strong support system. Although they may be receiving some treatment, they will spend the majority of their time at home with their parents/carers, so it makes so much sense to educate and empower the carers by teaching them how to best support their loved one and promote recovery. The course teaches parents the tools they need to improve daily life within their family, reducing conflicts, stress and tensions, and well as promoting recovery.

• Read more about Debbie’s story and FightED, here at https://www.fighted.org/our-story/

This is Dave’s story….

I am a bloke with anorexia and I am not alone. It’s estimated that in the UK;

725,000 people suffer from an eating disorder
Males account for up to a quarter of all cases
There’s been a 66% increase in hospital admissions in the past decade for men with eating disorders

The first ever recorded case of anorexia was a man, I’m not the only one, so, why’s nobody talking about this?

Whenever I tell people I have anorexia they always ask the same thing – ‘when did it begin?’ I’ve heard people describe their ‘journey’ into eating disorders. Mine was more of a diversion. I didn’t realise I was on a subtle detour that’d eventually take me away from myself. I think it was a role in a school play that was one of the first triggers. I had to appear topless, so I decided to lose some weight. As I lost weight I got noticed by this one, incredible, beautiful, amazing girl. I began to associate weight loss with success – if I could be a successful anorexic I thought I could be anything. It became a coping mechanism, a distraction from life. I had exams, deadlines, university applications and all the other insecurities any teenager has. Anorexia gave me something else to focus on, something that was above real life.

It was a gradual slip- something that slowly weighed me down. It’s hard to tell when a social drinker becomes an alcoholic. It’s the same with eating disorders. I forgot the fun of Christmas, birthdays, holidays. I just felt the dread of excess. I couldn’t remember what it felt like to feel comfortable in my own skin. I was never confident or self-assured. I always felt like I was lacking something, not good enough and a loser. My thoughts became poisoned with self-doubt and fear. Yet, I still didn’t realise I had a problem.

Anorexia became my normality, always playing in the background. It took over every aspect of my life – counting calories, constantly anxious, massive mood swings, always cold, linking weight loss with success. Yet, I believed it was the best of me; if you took it away there was nothing left. I was so churned up in it I couldn’t see what it was going on. It took over my life. I didn’t realise how many different aspects of my thinking were entwined with my eating disorder. I read blogs, watched videos and visited forums but no one was talking about a lot of the stuff I was experiencing. So, here are some of the unspoken aspects of anorexia:

Relationship with Food
Just because I wasn’t eating as much as everyone else didn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about food. It was ALWAYS on my mind. I was always totting up calories, thinking up ways to avoid meals and trying to find motivation to go longer before the next snack. I resented the power it had over me. I would feel a fraud any time I ate, I felt weak when I gave into hunger like I was letting myself down.

Self-Doubt
I never felt anorexic enough. It diluted me as a person and gradually took over. Venomous thoughts took over and I changed. I forgot life can be fun. I started taking everything so seriously and let my mind bully me.

Isolation
I hated my own company – always mournful, depressing and down. I wanted to see other people but didn’t want to inflict myself on them. That made me lonely; on the outside of life looking in. I was waiting to be saved from my own life. I was forgotten on the shelf. I wanted a relationship so badly and was convinced I’d end up sad and alone. I locked myself away and turned in on my own mind.

Anxiety
It made me mentally fragile and always anxious. My thinking became binary – everything was perfect or an absolute disaster. I was constantly in a rush for no reason. I felt 2 steps behind everyone else, like I was always missing out.
I began to snatch at life, constantly feeling a knot of fear in my throat.

Physical Impact
I fell out of tune with my body. I still can’t tell when I am hungry. I still hate the feeling of being full. My skin became dry. I was always cold. I’m not talking chilly; I mean gut wrenchingly freezing. It’s like your abs are made of ice packs, your arms are sleeved with coolers. I used to take 2 showers a day just to stop the shaking. I was constantly thirsty and always getting headaches. I have osteopenia – brittle bones – electrolyte imbalance, dangerously low potassium levels, toothache, and on and on.

Masculinity
It’s taken a lot of aspects of my masculinity. The body begins shutting down and conserves energy. So, the brain stops secreting as much testosterone – it’s very power hungry. So if you can identify with any of this, you are not alone. It might be too much to admit it to anyone now, but admitting it to yourself is a first good step. As they say, every journey begins with that first step.

Read more about similar stories at Northern Ireland-based organisation, The Laurence Trust, set up in memory of Laurence Nugent, who died in 2009 at the age of just 24 following a lengthy battle with an eating disorder. https://www.thelaurencetrust.co.uk/