The Christmas focus on family and friends can be especially hard for those of us dealing with the loss of a loved one.

Bereavement in ‘normal’ times can feel overwhelming, but with the stark reality of the ongoing pandemic, losing someone to Covid-19 might feel particularly poignant.

But there are things that can be done to help you negotiate this period – when you may feel like you’re the only one not enjoying the season’s usual festive cheer.

Action Mental Health’s friends at Cruse have provided a very useful guide to help people wade through the festive period, if it’s tainted by bereavement, whether recent or even many years ago.

How to cope with grief at Christmas – by Cruse Bereavement Care (source: Covid Wellbeing NI)

We know that facing Christmas alone, or whilst grieving, can be a daunting prospect. This year, the second Christmas since the onset of Covid-19 and the continuing uncertainty the pandemic has brought, means this festive season could be considerably more difficult. Whether you were bereaved since the start of the pandemic or many years before, residual Covid restrictions could still place obstacles in the way of getting together with friends and family and people in your support network. The latest Omicron variant of the virus has potentially added another layer of concerns at a time when people hoped Christmas 2021 would be much easier than last year. As a result, it is going to be more important than ever to try and look after yourself and work out the best ways to cope.

Here are some practical ways to cope with the loss of a loved one over Christmas.

1. Consider different ways of celebrating

One of the things that can help can be to spend some time trying to work out, well in advance, which arrangements will best suit your needs and the needs of others who share your loss. Some bereaved people find that they do not wish to celebrate Christmas at all, whilst some find that simply maintaining their routine and celebrating as normal is the best tribute they can pay their loved one. It may feel important to make a special effort to remember the person who has died. This can be as simple as ‘speaking’ to the person, silently or out loud, or it may involve visiting their grave, or a place that was special to them. These can be things that we do alone, or with friends or family. You may have photos or particular memories which you treasure; sharing these with others may be something that brings you together.

2. Accept that others may have different ways of mourning

We know that people remember and mourn in different ways. Conflict within a family can sometimes arise when we have expectations of how others should grieve, so try to be sensitive to others’ needs, and to talk openly about what will be best for you.

3. Try to maintain a routine

The Christmas period may mean that your normal routine is disrupted, and this can make it easier to forget to look after yourself. Maintaining regular patterns of sleeping and eating are small things that can make a difference. Seeing friends or family, or even volunteering for the day, can also help.

4. Go easy on the drink

It’s tempting to drink more on festive occasions, and it can feel like a drink might help numb any difficult feelings. But it’s important to remember that using alcohol to escape the pain of loss provides only very temporary relief. If you find you’re relying heavily on drinking alcohol, consider taking some drink free days. You can also find advice from Drink Aware on how to reduce your alcohol consumption.

5. Remember the happy times

Even many years after someone dies Christmas can be a difficult, intensely emotional time when we need to look after ourselves and those around us. But as time passes, special occasions like Christmas can help us remember happy memories of good times shared in the past. 

6. Skip the Christmas films

It can be tough when you are bombarded by images of people enjoying happy family times. If it’s getting too much, consider taking a break from the Christmas TV and social media and maybe take a walk or get some fresh air in any way you can.

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7. Talk to someone

If you’re struggling to deal with the grieving process over Christmas, you can call the Cruse National Helpline on 0808 808 1677, see here for opening hours. Alternatively you can message a trained grief counsellor using our CruseChat service 9am – 9pm Monday – Friday.

Creativity is vital for our AMH New Horizons services, at Action Mental Health we offer our clients the opportunities to engage creatively with a range of workshops and qualifications.

Singing, dancing, painting, or writing can help to boost confidence and make us feel more engaged and resilient. Besides these benefits, art engagement also alleviates anxiety, depression, and stress.

Several studies support poetry therapy as one approach to the treatment of depression, as it has been repeatedly shown to alleviate depressive symptoms, improve self-esteem and self-understanding and encourage the expression of feelings.

In Action Mental Health we have some very talented poets who all agree that writing poetry helps them get to the heart of their thoughts or feelings that they don’t quite understand or those that they want others to better understand.

Last year Catherine Cunningham, based at AMH New Horizons Belfast, wrote this very clever acrostic poem to help you remember how you can look after your mental well-being this Christmas.

Here are some ways to support your mental health this Christmas. The Five Ways to Well-Being provide key steps to promote your overall well—being and are particularly suited to the festive season, which can prove stressful for many.

Connect with the people around you. No matter what age we are, probably the most important factor in improving our psychological health and well-being is our relationships and connectedness with other people according to Northern Ireland’s interim Mental Health Champion, Professor Siobhan O’Neill. “A huge amount of research has shown the positive effects of relationships on our physical health, like blood pressure, cardiac illness, cancer, as well as our mental health, including reduced levels of stress and depression.”

If you need some time on your own this busy season, reflect, spend some time doing what you enjoy. Connect with your mind and body, try some mindfulness and stay in touch with how you are feeling.

Be Active. Whether you prefer walking or running, cycling, playing a game, gardening or dancing, exercising makes you feel good. Find something you enjoy, dedicate some time to do it (start with 10 minutes at a time) and work up to 30 minutes of physical activity for the day.

Take Notice. Stop, pause, and take a moment to look around you now. What can you see, smell or even taste? Look for beautiful, new, unusual or extraordinary things in your everyday life and think about how that makes you feel without judging or trying to change them. Take a few deep breaths, feel the rising and falling of your chest, and take notice of the chair under you or the weight of your feet on the floor. Try apps like Headspace or Calm for guided meditations, and you’ll learn how to notice and release tension you didn’t even realise you were carrying. Sit in your garden or go for walks with those you live with, notice nature, the birds singing and the sound of life.

Keep Learning. Variety is the spice of life and if you keep learning new things, it will make you feel more confident, will boost your self-esteem and improve your overall well-being. Use any spare time to unwind, start to learn a skill you were putting off – cook, learn a new language or exercise or get stuck into that books that have been sitting on the shelf for ages. Or why not try your hand at a spot of gardening – a pastime much reported as being beneficial to people’s well-being.

Give. Look outward as well as inward. Linking yourself and your happiness to the wider community can be incredibly rewarding and will create connections with the people around you, even if you can’t physically be there. Giving can be something as simple as using social media in a positive way to share messages or support. Give a friend, older relative or someone living on their own a call or text – it might just make their day to know that someone is thinking of them.

Lastly, give yourself a hug. You can only do so much and you’re doing the best you can. Try to love yourself – you can’t pour from an empty cup, so give yourself time to relax and think of all the things you can look forward to with family and friends.

Based on the Five Ways to Well-Being which were developed by the New Economics Foundation.

The team at Our Generation has gathered their top tips for you to look after your mental ‘elf’ this Christmas.

While this year’s Christmas will be much more ‘normal’ than last year there are some things we can’t control about the pandemic. It’s good to focus on the positives and keep ourselves healthy in body and mind over the Christmas period.

Self-care should be at the forefront of our Christmas preparations this year – remembering to take regular exercise and eating a well-balanced diet can keep us fit and healthy. If you find yourself feeling lonely or isolated this festive season there are steps you can take to help yourself, so remember to turn to someone you trust if you need help.

Clients at Action Mental Health have been gaining an insight to a variety of employment fields thanks to the recent International Job Shadow Day (IJSD).

Run by the Northern Ireland Union of Supported Employment, Job Shadow Day offers clients work placements with a variety of employers, including one of the NIUSE’s main partners and providers, the Northern Ireland Civil Services.

The event highlights the positive contribution people with health conditions and disabilities can make to workforces and the economy.

Action Mental Health’s clients participating in the event avail of the Working It Out Project which is part-funded through the ESF programme 2014-2020 and the Department for the Economy.

Daniel Davey is one such client who participated in the annual event, taking up a day’s job shadowing at Vincent’s Charity Shop in Dunmurry. Daniel, who attends AMH New Horizons Lisburn, had no prior experience was keen to learn about the various facets of the retail business.

Daniel said: “I have been welcomed into Vincent’s (of St Vincent de Paul) and I am looking forward to increasing and developing my skills in retail.”

Vincent’s shop manager, Clare Murray, commented: “’We are very happy to work with AMH and have Daniel in to see what is involved in retail and gain relevant experience’.

Kathryn Charlton was another client who participated in the job shadow day, spending her day’s placement at Downe Travel in Downpatrick, alongside its director, Marie Gallagher.

“I spent the day learning and working alongside a lovely lady called Marie. She showed me the ins and outs of running a successful travel business and guided me though activities with patients and knowledge,” said Kathryn.

“Marie showed me that a lot more goes into planning, organising and documenting than I had first thought. I was taught things from banking to marketing and just how much of an impact the layout of the shop can have on the client. I couldn’t have asked for a better experience into the world of work after this and hope to take all the skills I learned from it into the future to help me in any career down the line,” she added.

Marie commented: “Kathryn enjoyed her day at our Downpatrick store. Initially she was nervous but within minutes she relaxed and embraced all the tasks that we had organised for her.”

“She did express that she would be more comfortable working back of house and with the right encouragement I can see that she would be very employable in the right environment.

We wish her well for the future.”

This week, as part of the #Covid WellbeingNI partnership, Action Mental Health have been looking at stigma and mental health.

Action Mental Health has been chatting to clients who attend our diverse range of services to gauge how stigma almost stopped them from reaching out for help. 

Jackie Booth, 61, was once a high-flying career woman in Switzerland but in later life she experienced issues like OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Things got so bad for her she felt like ending it all.

But after rediscovering her better self with the help of  Action Mental Health, she is calling on others to seek out and ask for help if they need it – when they need it.

“There’s so much shame and embarrassment attached to mental health and I didn’t seek help early enough so I was a wreck when I arrived at AMH New Horizons,” she admits.

“But everyone, must seek help. Help is out there. There are so many fantastic resources out there to help people and going to AMH New Horizons is a great first step in accessing help in the community.”

“Don’t suffer in silence like me,” urges client Helen from AMH New Horizons Downpatrick, while another client, who availed of the support of AMH New Life Counselling revealed: “The hardest part is picking up your telephone. It took me one month between the time my GP gave me the phone number, after I’d asked for help, and the day I gathered up the courage to ring the number. It is so important to talk.”

Another client who sought and gained help from Action Mental Health’s specialist eating disorder service, AMH everyBODY, said: “I never expected to receive the help I did from my support worker. I have never felt so safe telling a complete stranger my darkest secrets. I finally feel free.”

Another common sentiment shared by the vast majority, if not all, clients of Action Mental Health, is expressed by one man who overcame stigma to take the brave step of reaching out to Action Mental Health to aid their recovery. “Have to say, this place is great: the staff, everything; they are very helpful. People who are there, help everyone, that’s why I go there. We are all treated equally. Respect to all the staff and clients,” he said.

The final word goes to Olympic gymnast Rhys McClenaghan, from Newtownards. Northern Ireland’s most successful gymnast, Rhys, a loyal ambassador for AMH, said: “Bottling things up in your head will not help things at all.”

The Commonwealth and European champion gymnast speaks of the often difficult task of “opening up to someone and talking”. “Bottling things up in your head will not help things at all,” he says, but let’s hear it from Rhys himself…

Northern Ireland’s children face the second of three AQE tests this Saturday, as they prepare for the next phase of their school journey – the post primary transition.

Friend of Action Mental Health, Consultant Psychiatrist Dr Phil Anderson has offered helpful information on helping our young people to deal with the stress of the pivotal exams.

Consultant in Child, Adolescent and Forensic Psychiatry with the Forensic Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service for Northern Ireland, in the South Eastern Health and Social Care Trust, Dr Phil said: “In any part of life, the key to managing a problem is truly understanding what the nature of the problem is in the first place. This is no different to young people facing the problem of stress. Stress is widely understood as ‘bad’ and ‘something to be avoided’ but stretching ourselves beyond comfortable limits, whether playing sport or sitting an exam, will not always feel nice, but our development as a person and our abilities cannot happen any other way,” he says.

“Avoiding stress does not really work and in the end is not really possible. Similar to how a vaccine helps our immune systems to prevent us becoming ill from harmful pathogens, stress is known to have an inoculating effect. Research shows that young persons who manage to overcome life’s challenges will develop higher levels of resilience.

“We need to properly understand the benefits of day-to-day stress ourselves and be careful about how we communicate this to young people. How they understand stress has been shown to have important effects. Young persons with a positive view on stress have been demonstrated to outperform those with a more negative view.

“Mindfulness can be an effective way of gaining better understanding and control of our stress.  It is the process of bringing focused attention to experiences occurring in the present moment. A large volume of research has demonstrated the benefits of mindfulness in developing our emotional resilience.

“Children can learn to pay focused attention and help regulate difficult emotions even in the most difficult challenges life can throw our way. There are a variety of ways of exploring this with young people, with many methods to be found online.”

Find out more here: https://www.amh.org.uk/news/understanding-stress-dr-phil-anderson/ 

This week, as part of the #CovidWellbeingNI partnership, we have been looking at the stigma that often surrounds mental health.

Education and awareness lie at the heart of normalising mental ill-health and combating the stigma experienced by many people. At Action Mental Health we believe that to tackle stigma, we need to start young! A large part of stigma is borne out of ignorance, and education is key to tackling this. Sharing experiences of mental health helps to stop feelings of shame and embarrassment. Promoting and encouraging children and young people to see out support when they need it, helps them on their journey to recovery. We also believe that training those who work or frequently interact with children and young people also helps to quell stigma, by equipping them with the facts around mental health and stigma, and providing them with the knowledge to identify, converse and signpost.

In Northern Ireland, Action Mental Health’s MensSana service is helping to build mental resilience among its children, young people and adults.

Through a variety programmes, children and young people are being taught mental health awareness in schools, plus impactful ways of sidestepping the stigma to ask for help if they need it.

In primary schools, children can learn how to overcome stigma attached to mental health through the Healthy Me series of projects. Little Healthy Me is for p1-p4 and Healthy Me is for p5-p7. We also offer Healthy Me tailored for Staff and parents.

Provoking Thought is our programme for post-primary young people and can be delivered in schools or community settings. One Northern Ireland teacher whose secondary level school has participated in MensSana’s Provoking Thought programme has been engaging with Action Mental Health for a number of years to help stamp out the stigma surrounding the issue of mental health.

The teacher said the course contents has not only helped the school body from feeling ‘overwhelmed’ by mental health issues, it has also been vital in helping to smooth the milestone transition from primary to secondary school level.

“As well-being co-ordinator of a large school, it was sometimes overwhelming to know how to support the young people, as well as the staff. Hugh Roarty, from Action Mental Health’s MensSana team was able to set up zoom session for both pupils and staff, which proved really useful and feedback was excellent,” she said.

“We have used his presentations in person for several years now and the AMH team always provide fabulous “Provoking Thought” workshops. These have helped our new Year 8s with the transition from primary to secondary education, and also helped with the mental health awareness in senior school. We are even having bespoke programmes during our “Well-being Week” at the start of December.”

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For more information on the variety of AMH MensSana courses available for Northern Ireland’s children and young people visit here.

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The Covid Wellbeing Hub is packed full of useful resources and sources of support. You can visit the hub by clicking here: https://covidwellbeingni.info/index.html.