“We don’t really talk about our daughter’s eating disorder outside of the house, so it felt really refreshing to be in a room with other people who just got it, that we weren’t alone. It can be quite isolating so it helped to connect with the other families tonight.”
– Feedback from a mother after attending their first Monthly Carers Support Group in Newry.
“Now that I am in a better place with my eating I feel like self-esteem is the final piece of the puzzle. I’m more clear-headed to be able to do that work. Especially because I’m going to be a mum, I want to pass on healthy behaviours to my child and don’t want to be talking negatively about myself and have it rub off on them.”
– Feedback from a pregnant client who received support from the stepped-down programme after being discharged by the eating disorders team.
“Everything got turned upside down when my wife got sick and I knew I wasn’t looking after myself while I was taking care of her, but you helped me see I can’t pour from an empty cup. I just needed that nudge and bit of support to plan to include myself in too…
“I have a lot more energy now to be the support that she needs me to be.”
– Feedback from a male client who struggled with binge eating disorder. They were supported with psychoeducation around support food behaviours, signposted to further support for stress management and developed self-supporting tools through journaling and emotional check-in tools.
“I knew it was time to get back in touch with you as I could feel myself slipping back and old restrictive thoughts creeping back in. I know on the one hand what’s rational and how restricting is impacting me, but I also know from the past I need help with it. Even just talking today has helped, being able to have a soundboard to help me make sense of things and remind me what had worked for me in the past.”
– A client who received support previously and self-referred when they recognised they were starting to struggle again.
“Our appointments are the only place I don’t feel pressure. I feel like everywhere else, in the gym, at home, with my friends everyone is always commenting on what I should do, how I look. You’re the only one who has asked me to consider what’s best for me.”
– A client receiving support to work on self-esteem and body image while also learning more support food behaviours.
“I’m less dependent now on food. I think understanding the binge/restrict cycle really helped me to trust myself a bit more around food, along with the journaling and mindfulness techniques to deal with my emotions.”
– The focus on this client’s support now is to improve self-esteem and work on compassion approaches in relation to body image difficulties.
“I honestly never thought about it like that, I thought their anger was about me, I never considered it could be because they might be having to make changes to something that essentially feels safe and has helped them to cope. That would be scary and bring up emotions.”
– A carer’s response to learning about externalising the illness and addressing their loved one’s behaviours in a non-confrontational way.
‘What led you to engage with support?’
“It was initially the support of my boyfriend which had led me to seek help. By myself, I wasn’t initially willing to accept that my problem was as big as it actually was. Having someone around me who sat me down and told me that my eating was getting bad and affecting me day-to-day gave me a wake-up call that my problem was actually big and needed support.”
How did you find being able to access support?
“Accessing support was really easy – easier than I had thought. As soon as I emailed about support I was able to get in touch and arrange an appointment.”
What was the most helpful about the support you received?
“I think having someone to help me come to terms with the fact that I deserved help and how I can improve really made me be able to get the best out of my recovery.”
Would you recommend any changes or improvement to the service and support offered?
“No, I absolutely think it was great and I strongly believe that I would not be at a point in my life where I am now without the service.”
How have things changed for you as a result of the support you received?
“There has been a huge change in eating disordered behaviours since I started support, to where I am now discharged from the service. I believe that my recovery would not have been possible without this service.”
Would you feel comfortable reaching out again for support if you needed to?
“I would reach out again if I needed help. Deborah was always very lovely and comforting which also contributes to the fact that I would definitely reach out if I felt like I was struggling again. I think that after receiving support I will know that I do need the help rather than trying to solve the problem on my own. I was also informed about the resources available and how I am able to contact the service again if ever needed.
“I would also like to say thank you so much for everything that you have done for me these last 10 months. I truly believe that I owe my progress and recovery to you and the organisation as well, and I would not be in the point in my recovery where I am today without it. You have always given me great advice and guidance and made me feel supported throughout my recovery. So, thank you so much.”
As a carer/mother how have you been impacted by eating disorders?
“Our whole lives were flipped upside down when we found out. I felt totally unequipped and out of my depth to deal with this. We knew absolutely nothing and were just scrambling trying to find any information we could. Every day in our house felt like a battle ground and we were constantly scared of saying the wrong thing or doing anything to make it worse. As a parent, I felt like I was failing.”
What led you to seek support for yourself from Action Mental Health?
“We were given encouragement from our therapist with the eating disorder team to get support for ourselves. As our daughter is over 18, we couldn’t always be involved with her appointments unless she wanted us to. It was a relief to know there was a service for us to ask questions and get advice about what we could do as a family.“
What has been the most helpful thing you have learnt through receiving support?
“I started to feel useful again. When I had a bit of guidance it was like being given a bit of a map on how to navigate things rather than feeling so lost and scared to even do anything. We were able to attend one-to-one support and talk about things that were tough, like arguments over meal times, siblings saying things that caused upset and how to deal with change. We also really found the Carers Support Group useful actually hearing from other families and realising we weren’t alone with some of the things we found difficult. It was good to get practical information too like being able to find out about the New Maudsley training we attended and learnt all about ways to communicate and specific tools around boundary setting and how to offer support.
“I felt braver to start some of the hard conversations after support. I learnt that it’s ok not to always know what to say, or if I say the wrong thing. The important thing is being open and curious and learning together.“
How has your life been impacted as a result of receiving support?
“I fly off the handle less. We were having big blow-out arguments regularly because everyone was so on edge and didn’t know how to deal with each other. We still have disagreements but how we communicate is a lot healthier and we give space when it’s needed for everyone to calm down and then talk more openly about things.“
What advice would you give to any other family/friend who is supporting someone living with an eating disorder?
“It’s not your fault. No one person can cause an eating disorder, but you can do something to help by getting support yourself. It will help you to understand what they’re going through and to take things less personally when they are struggling.“
